I am an unreliable narrator not only by choice but by circumstance. My work portrays moments of my life through photos and memory. Inconsistencies stem from my struggle to be present as a kid. Because I don’t remember much, I am left to assume a mood or occurrence based on fragments of the memories I do have.
Many times I remember something through the aid of an image. Much of my process is sifting through old family photos to find memories that evoke intense feelings, especially those of sadness, anxiety, or happiness. When I find photos I am intrigued by, I begin to edit them digitally.
I use Procreate features, such as divide and difference, to push the images to further interact with one another. Adding multiple images to a surface, I increase or decrease the opacity. Through the interactions, parts of the photos and certain colors become more pronounced. As I play around with the content, I keep what I am attracted to and leave behind things I don’t find interesting.
The alteration of memory through color and other forms of abstraction allows me to regain a feeling of joy from the scene. Simultaneously, I hope to evoke a feeling of confusion and uncertainty for viewers through the abstraction of scenes.
Previously in my work, toys stood as a companion for me and created moments of stabilization from the overwhelming feelings I experienced as a kid. Moving forward, I am exploring other presences in my life, such as siblings and pets, that I am now beginning to understand also helped ground me. My relationship with them is evolving with my ability to be present as I grow older and gain a new perspective and appreciation.
As the narrator of my own story, I am challenged by a lingering energy at the edge of my mind threatening to tarnish my experiences. I push forward to keep the joy of my memories and childhood that my younger self deserves.